Thanks for all the nice feedback :) i’m having a bit of a block at the moment any ideas? the crazier the better i like a challenge :)
Let me know if i should bother continuing.
Chapter 1
Cutting worked at first it made me feel in control. The excitement and the buzz I got from it, the buzz being excitement, excitement that I was in control, it made me feel alive, feel like a normal person. I watched the blood trickle down my wrist, scarlet red, slow, calming. This was normal wasn’t it? Bleeding and feeling physical pain was normal thing? I was in control, it was the only aspect of my life that i was in control of. It helped me escape from reality. Unfortunately this feeling weared off after a while. The excitement became dulling, the pain became numb and I had to return to my miserable lonely reality where he controlled everything. I just wanted to die, I couldn’t live like this. I’d have to go fast though I didn’t want to suffer. Oh the irony, since all I had been doing is suffering for a year now. I missed my old life. My happy life that is, the happy life I lived until I was 17. Until my whole world had been turned around by that monster. That monster that I once loved with all my heart. And he loved me right? Yes he loved me? Yes that’s why he would hit me, torture me, watch me bleed, because he loved me…..
I woke up in a pool of my own blood. Aching from head to toe. He’d lost it last night, completely lost the plot. One of his mates had text him saying they’d heard i was cheating on him. I begged him to be rational, see the logic I hadn’t left the house by myself in months. How could I have possibly have been seeing anyone else. But logic and rationality didn’t exist in his mind. In his mind I was just a dirty little slag, something which he had repeatedly told me as he used me as a punching bag over and over. But punching wasn’t enough for him this time, he picked up the knife and started slowly walking towards me. “You, You will never cheat on me again, you hear, YOU WILL NEVER CHEAT ON ME AGAIN!” He spat out. “I loved you I gave you everything!” He calmly said. That scared me. Normally he would scream, shout, show anger but not tonight. Tonight he was calm. He got closer and closer. “I love you baby, I would never do this, I only love you, listen to me, look at me!! Why would I lie” I cried, my eyes desperate begging for forgiveness. He slowly put down the knife. I let out a sigh of relief, but then he picked up a chair and bang…..
It was the next day before I had woken up. I didn’t have a clue what time it was I just knew he wasn’t in the house it was silent, eerily silent. I had to escape I had to leave before he killed me. I dragged myself towards the door using my arms to pull me. I couldn’t move one of my legs and when I moved the other a shooting pain made its way up my body. I finally made it to the door, pulled myself up and unlocked it. It hurt like hell but I started to walk, limp towards the front door. Once I felt the cool breeze hit my face I got a sudden rush of adrenaline so I ran, ran the familiar streets of London towards the only place I knew to go. The only place I wanted to go. And that was to my best friend’s house. He had been my best friend for as long as I can remember. Anytime I was down, hurting he was there for me. He knew me better then I knew myself, he knew my parents didn’t give a shit about me and so he replaced them. Acted like my mother, father and older brother. But that all changed the second I got with the monster. I pushed my best friend away, ran away with the monster I was blinded by love. And I had sacrificed losing my best friend, my rock. Thomas Parker.
I think this could be boring, i wouldn’t know though because YOU’RE NOT GIVING FEEDBACK! Anyways enjoy…
Chapter 2
I ran, ran to the only comforting thought i had. Thomas Parker. The superstar. My best friend, well, I didn’t know if I could call him that anymore. It had been over eight months since I last saw him. Why would he even be interested in seeing me? Why would he care? No one cared. He’s famous and rich living the life we always had dreamed of. And I had nothing. Not a cent, not a friend, nothing. The thought of that last encounter broke my heart. It started out ok, light hearted, slightly awkward, but alright. He told me all about this new band he was in and how he was moving to London, that this was it his big break. I told him about how “happy” my new life was and how great ‘the monster’ was but he could see I was lying, he could see the pain behind my eyes, the desperation. That’s when the conversation started going downhill. He had known all along that ‘the monster’ was bad news, he didn’t have a clue of how evil he actually was though. Tom started asking too many questions, and I started to lose my cool. I had become flustered with all the questions and being clumsy with my lies. He was starting to get concerned. The more I tried to reassure him that everything was ok the more he started to worry. I could feel the tears building up all I wanted to do was tell him the truth but I was scared, I thought I was being stupid, this was love wasn’t it? This was how ‘the monster’ showed me he loved me. The lies were automatically spurting out of my mouth. He didn’t believe me I was starting to panic. He stopped been so calm and started to really worry repeatedly asking me “what’s wrong? What’s wrong?”. I couldn’t take it so I snapped. “Just fuck off!! Nothing is wrong I’m with the man of my dreams who I love more than anything including you! That’s why I left remember you’re nothing mate” The words played round and round in my head. The last words I had said to him. How was I possibly going to show my face ask him for the help I had so rudely declined 8 months ago. But I couldn’t go back to the monster and this was the only option I had so I kept running. I could feel my legs giving way but I kept going I just had to make it a few more blocks. Tom had given me his address long before I had stormed out of the cafe. I had driven by his house so many times but I could never go up to the big wooden door even though every fibre in my body wanted me to knock, to talk to him, to just see his face. I just couldn’t. But I had to tonight, I had no other choice. I was so tired from running my whole body was shaking, this probably being nerves although the state that my body was in would have contributed. And so I stopped outside his house, slowly making my way up the path it wasn’t long but I waked as slowly as possible giving myself time to catch my breath and think of what to say. The large wooden door was right in front of me. The door I had longingly stared at every time I passed his house. Urrrgh just knock he’s going to be happy to see you right. Right?…..
“Ermm h-h-hi is T-t-tom there please?” I nervously stuttered as a tall dark extremely handsome man answered the door. “Oh my god darling are you ok?” He asked genuinely full of concern. Oh fuck, in all my anxiety I had forgotten I must have looked a train wreck, covered in blood, and bruises no doubt, from head to toe. “Tom, TOM there’s someone here at the door for you, TOM HURRY UP” He shouted sounding panicked. I couldn’t blame him my whole body was shaking, my eyes puffy and swollen from where I had been crying, and I was weak so weak I had to lean against the door frame for support. Waiting for him, it was like time had slowed down everything was in slow mo and I started falling, falling into blackness, passing out. But just before I fell completely I heard him. “Roxanne? Fucking hell what happe- Roxy, ROXY WHAT THE FUCK!” He screamed panicking as I fell. It comforted me slightly, I knew it shouldn’t but it did. It comforted me knowing he still cared the worry and concern in his voice. He still cared. But that comfort left as I felt my body hit the cold hard floor and everything went black.
Can anyone tell me how i lay this out so chap one is first two is second etc? Thanks
Chapter 3
I awoke to the faint beeping of a machine and the stale aroma of antiseptic. Ugh I knew where I was, the place that had practically been my second home for the last few months. Hospital. I slowly opened my eyes, the sudden shock of the light streaming in my window blinded me for a few seconds and them I saw him. Those familiar hazel eyes staring right at me, tired and sad. “A’ight Rox” He said calmly. I opened my mouth to reply but I couldn’t, I was too nervous. “Take it easy babe, I know. I know everything. HE did this to you. That wanker! If I get me hands on him I swear, I swear I’ll kill him” He spat getting angry. “h-how did you know?” I questioned genuinely not aware of how he could have known. “The nurses told me you’re a regular visitor, they’ve known what’s been going on for months, didn’t think to tell anyone though, clearly don’t give a f—“ “TOM I begged them not to, I wouldn’t give them any details they had no way of finding out who to tell. I’m sorry” I said adding the last part quietly. “Roxy don’t say sorry, I’m the one who should be apologising, how could I have not worked it out, the fear in your eyes that day we met I knew something was up but I decided to ignore it like a fucktard, I’m sorry babe I won’t let him hurt you again!” He was upset like really upset, he never says sorry, it’s Thomas parker. Sorry isn’t in his vocabulary. But I loved this about him he was stubborn as fuck but that’s just him. “You couldn’t have known, I’ve always been good at hiding my feeling, you know that” I said in a light tone trying to lift the mood. “I know, I know” he chuckled. That laugh, wow, I hadn’t heard that laugh in months it just automatically made me feel warm, at home. “Tom when am I getting out of here? I know I have no right to ask you this considering I was a bitch last time we met, but could I maybe stay with you for a few days, just until I get back on my feet” I asked nervously. “Babe your staying with me for longer than a couple of days, you hardly thought I was going to let you away again! And the doctors said you can leave tomorrow, you have a few bruises but you’ll be fine” he said concerned. “oh and I live with two of my band mates Max and Jay, they’ll like you, you’ll definitely get along with them, I’m slightly worried you’ll get on with them too well, as in they’ll kick me out of the band and replace me with you” he laughed. “Thomas have you heard me sing, I think you can be pretty sure that won’t happen” I added reassuringly. “Ye you’re right, you’re a shit singer” He laughed he had always loved winding me up. I chucked a pen at his head so he threw a sock at me, both of us laughed. This was like the good old days. But it suddenly turned awkward he started fidgeting uncomfortably “Roxy? What happened when did it go so wrong?” He asked. I knew he needed to know for his own peace of mind. So I told him everything, it toke a while.
Hours later and the two of us we’re laughing like loons, joking around. Just like back in the day. For the first time in months I was happy, the void in my life had been filled once again. I couldn’t believe how much I had missed! His band were crazy famous. 2 number ones, 3 top 10 hits, nomination for a brit award and the list went on. I felt like a proud Mum. I couldn’t wait to meet the boys but apparently there schedule was hectic and the boys had to continue the radio tour without Tom.
He had gone to get me a coffee and came storming back into the room. “Having a tantrum aye? Some things never change. What’s wrong grumpy” I laughed knowing bringing up him and his tantrums would wind him up even more. That might sound horrible but I was bored and it entertained me when he had a tantrum. “The bastards won’t let me stay…” He pouted. “No no no dear you can’t stay visiting hours are closed!!” He said in a high pitched voice, mimicking the old nurse that was in charge of me. I laughed and laughed at his weirdly accurate impression. “Fucking mugs” He laughed, obviously happy that I was laughing. But then he left.
I decided it was time to have a shower and look in the mirror at the damage that was done. I was extremely nervous, I didn’t know why, I think it was just that every bruise was a reminder of him. A reminder of the dysfunctional love I had for him, the weakness.
I stepped out of the shower and the cold air hit me. I wrapped up my long wavy black hair in a towel and braced myself. I toke a step towards the full length mirror and gasped. Practically my whole body was covered in horrible black bruises. I couldn’t believe it. I was naturally tanned (mixed race) so bruises never normally looked THAT bad, but these, these were horrible. Tears started rolling down my cheeks, my big green eyes became red and swollen I went to rub them and saw my arms clearly. I was horrified big red scars lined the whole way up my arm. How could I have done this to myself? How could I have let him do this to me? And that was when I started feeling the hate, pure sheer hatred for that monster. I broke down, sat on the ground and cried my eyes out. Admittedly it felt good, I was letting all my feeling out, ones which I had bottled up for so long.
Eventually I got up, dried off and held my head high. He wasn’t going to ruin my life any more. “I’m going to be fine” I told myself repeatedly. And for the first time in months I actually believed it!
Feedback please?
Chapter 4
Finally we had pulled up outside that big wooden door. “Welcome home beautiful” Tom smiled proudly. “When did you get so grand, living in a palace?” I questioned jokingly. “What can I say babe, I’m a king!” He winked and laughed while paying the taxi driver “keep the change mate”. He unlocked the door and motioned for me to go in ahead of him. “Ever the gentleman Parker” I said. He just shrugged, then pushed me out of the way and ran past. Ugh fucker.
I walked down the long hall and into the kitchen. It was HUUUGE! The light pouring in the massive window reflected off all the clean surfaces. Yes I said, clean. Tom had spent the journey telling me how he’d spent the night cleaning the place, I’d never seen him prouder. “Ok babe, I’ll give you a quick tour of your new home, first the essentials. Kettle, fridge and in the fridge beer. That’s all you need to know” He chuckled then opened the fridge which was mainly stocked with bottles of beer and the occasional can of coke. Typical Tom. “Urrrm Tom what do you eat mate?” I asked pretending to look concerned. So he signalled me to follow him back down the hall. We stopped outside a door “Yeah so I wasn’t bothered cleaning the sitting room, I know I’m amazing and all but it would be impossible” He smiled opening the door.
I toke one look at the room and burst into a fit of giggles. Pizza boxes stacked as tall as me, beer bottles everywhere, wires from all the Xboxes and other technological things. At least I found out why there’s no food in the fridge, all they eat is pizza. It was an absolute state. But I loved it, it reminded me of my old room that me and Tom would thrash every now and then. “WOW, now this is what I call home” I said, making my ways towards the very comfy looking couch. I jumped down on it and curled up. “Get me a beer will ye?” I said demandingly then laughing at the expression on Toms face. “Fuck off get your own, I showed you where the fridge is” I stood up laughing and made my way to the kitchen. “Get me one while you’re at it. Thanks beautiful” he said cheekily winking at me. So I threw a pizza box at him and walked out of the room laughing.
After he’d shown the rest of the house and the room I’d be staying in, we curled up on the couch to watch a bit of Jezza Kyle. I felt so at home, so, happy. We were laughing and chatting about all the chavs mimicking them. Innit bruv. When a story on domestic abuse came on, I could feel Tom start fidgeting nervously “Rox, the nurses said you should get some help, like someone to talk to” I tensed up and replied bluntly “I don’t need help. I’m fine.” He looked concerned “Roxanne we both know that’s not true, I’ve seen the scars on your arm, you might think you’re good at hiding your feelings but I can see straight through it, please just talk to someone, someone professional” I could see he was worried. “Ok ok I will, if it will get you off my back” I laughed throwing a cushion at him. He jumped on me and started tickling me. “Aaaaah Tom ger off me you douche” I screamed laughing so hard that I couldn’t breathe. “Do you forfeit” He asked in a serious flat tone. “YES YES I FORFIEGHT” He rolled off me, and we settled down again to watch Jezza.
We’d been in a comfortable silence for 20 mins when I heard shuffling at the front door and a slam as it burst open. “Maaaaate seriously THAT was the best chat up line you could come up with” A manc accent roared. Laughter erupted. “Look she was fit as, I got nervous ok, sweaty palms and all” another voice said sounding annoyed, then they burst into the room. I jumped up as four lads walked in, I recognised them they were the rest of The Wanted. “Iyaaaa mate” the manc lad said walking over to Tom. “You must be Roxy” the tall dark handsome who had answered the door before said to me. “Nice to meet you, errr again.. I’m Siva” he laughed awkwardly walking over and kissing me on the cheek. Next a tall guy with curly hair came up to me smiling. ”And I’m not as formal Jay” he chuckled embracing me in a massive bear hug. I looked over his shoulder and saw the manc fella pulling on Toms ear, both of which we’re making strange faces. He caught my eye and came over. “Aaaah this must be the good boys good girl” he laughed pulling me into a hug. “I’m Max, man of the house”. “Pipe down mate, you’re more of a girl than Nath” He laughed looking over at someone.
I followed Toms gaze and that’s when I first laid eyes on him. His big green eyes burned into me, his mouth slightly open. I felt butterflies in my stomach, he was, he was beautiful, perfection. His long fringe swept across his forehead not a hair out of place. His chains sparkling in unison with the diamonds on his baseball cap. WOW was all I could think. We were both just standing there looking at each other. “Roxy, Roxanne!” Tom shouted pulling me out of my state of awe. “Oh erm hi” I said nervously. “I’m Nathan you alright?” He asked giving me an awkward hug, well more of a pat on the back. His voice was shockingly deep for someone who looked so young he must have been around my age 18 or 19. “Stop staring Nath it’s just weird… smell her instead” Jay laughed, Nathan threw him evils “not as weird as telling a girl she smells like fresh cut grass” he replied smugly. All four boys jeered and burst out laughing and Max proceeded to tell us the story of Jays famous chat up line. I just stayed quiet, to be honest I was completely star struck it had been less than a week since I was sat at home terrified, wondering if tonight was the night he’d actually manage to kill me. And now, well now I was sat with the most famous boy band in the country laughing and drinking beer. It was perfection. Nathan and jay continued having a slagging match but thankfully I wasn’t brought up.
The awkwardness had disappeared and everyone was just having a good chat. Every now and then I’d look over at Nathan and just stare. I know it was weird but I couldn’t help it he was just… beautiful. But he’d catch me looking and give me a quick smile. I caught him staring at me a few times though so thankfully I didn’t feel like too much of a creep.
Finally the excitement of arriving home had settled down and the boys weren’t quite as loud. We we’re all sitting around calmly talking. They were asking me and Tom all about the old days and they genuinely seemed interested in getting to know me. And I was seriously enjoying getting to know them. They were all so funny, individual, down to earth and most importantly welcoming.
After a couple of hours I yawned, my eyes were starting to shut. Tom yanked me up off the couch catching me by surprise. “Bed time beautiful, you need to sleep” he said sternly. “Tom you can’t carry me up the stairs look at the size of your arms…. they’re tiny…. you dweep” I laughed and all the boys jeered. Tom scowled not impressed at all, put me down and pointed up the stairs. “OK ok I’m going! Goodnight boys, thanks yano for letting me stay and yan—“ I started but Nathan interrupted me “No problem, it’ll be nice having a girl around the house to clean, cook, make tea, iron, wash up” he joked. “HOLD ON! I’m grateful but not that grateful” I laughed. “ROXANNE CLEAN AND COOK you must be mad she’s worse than max here” Tom shouted at which they all laughed gaining evils from me. “Goodnight boys”. “Goodnight” they all replied in unison then burst into laugher I rolled my eyes and made my way to bed. “Ooooo Nath has a cruuush, Nath has a cruuush” was all I could hear as I made my way upstairs. Not going to lie, I was jealous of that girl, the girl he had a crush. Oh well he wouldn’t be interested in me anyways would he. Would he?
Chapter 5.
I woke up in the middle of the night to get a pint of water, the alcohol had seriously dehydrated me and I could feel the hangover coming on. I crept out of my room as quietly as possible and eventually made it to the dark landing, banging my toes a record amount of times but keeping impossibly silent. I was about to go down the stairs when I noticed something slowly moving in the hall. The bright moonlight was beaming in the window and I could faintly see a shadow. “SNAAAAAAAAKE!!” I screamed, hopping from foot to foot. “TOM THERE’S A FUCKING SNAKE” I panicked and started to run back into my room, only I banged into someone. “FUCK AAAAH” I screamed again. “Oiii OIII!! CALM DOWN” shouted the man, as soon as I realized who it was the butterflies in my stomach started going crazy, it was Nathan. “NATHAN THERE’S A MAAAASIVE SNAKE” I cried pointing to the large object on the ground. I looked up at Nathan thinking this was it, my knight in shining armour coming to save the day but, no, he just started to piss himself laughing. “Nathan get it!” I cried, he just laughed “NATHAN” I begged, he still just laughed. I didn’t understand there was a snake in the house how could he find this so amusing. “Roxy, chill, it’s Tia” he said calming down slightly but still laughing. “WHO THE FUCK IS TIA?” I shouted still worked up. “It’s Jays lizard, Tia, she’s like the families pet, chillllll” He chuckled. “Oh… Oh right I see” I quietly said. I could feel myself going red from the embarrassment. “Snaaaaake!!” he laughed mimicking my terror. I punched him lightly in the arm and started laughing. “It’s not funny I was terrified” I said trying to look upset. “Hummm terrified or hoping I’d come out here and save you” he laughed. “Maybe a bit of both” I said trying to flirt back but failing miserably so I winked and just walked away.
Urrrgh I was horrible at this. It felt weird been single again and being able to flirt. I needed to brush up on my flirting skills big time. Believe it or not, I once was a very skilled player who vowed to stay single forever, confident if not borderline cocky, and I could have any man I wanted with a click of my fingers but that all changed once I fell in love with the monster. My confidence plummeted and I couldn’t look at another man or he would get jealous and lose the plot. Looking back I was surprised that I had ever fallen into the trap, I was the last girl you would ever expect to be in an abusive relationship.
I was deep in thought when Nathan crept up on me. “SNAKE” he screamed in my ear. “FUUUCK” I jumped startled. “You bastard” I laughed as I turned around and saw his beautiful face. “Now now no need for swearing” he said in a patronizing voice. I punched him lightly in the arm again. “Domestic abuse!! Unacceptable, I’m gonna have to tell Tom” he chuckled not realizing the impact his words had had on me. I looked at the ground and just mumbled goodnight awkwardly and made my way back up to bed keeping an eye out for Tria or whatever its name was on the way.
The next morning I woke up exhausted, things had just kept running through my head all night preventing me from sleeping. “Morning” I attempted bright fully as I made my way into the kitchen. “aaaah snaaaake” Jay screamed as the other boys burst out laughing. “Oh I see you told them then?!” I questioned light heartedly. Nathan just looked at me with puppy eyes and a pouted lips. “it’s alright I suppose you did save me…… if saving me counts as just standing there pissing yourself!” I said pretending to be annoyed. “I did save you and in return you should make me a cuppa” he smiled winking at me. “nah mate you’re saving skills were appalling, you should make me a cuppa”. “bluuuur I’m gonner get sick” Max said imitating someone getting sick at our hopeless flirting. “it’s young love” tom laughed. “it’s not young love it’s horrible young flirting skills!” Jays added gaining a few hidden chuckles. “yeah like you can talk, Mister, ‘you smell like freshly cut grass’” I laughed and the boys all jeered. “the good girls gonner fit in great” “yahyahyah” tom and max said pulling at each other’s ears with a creepy grin. I needed to find out what that was about, I thought as I left the room. “Nathan I’m going to the sitting room, two sugars and loads of milk” i winked and walked out of the kitchen.
I had just settled down and was about to watch Jezza, when Nathan walked in with two mugs. “Aah thanks love, it better be good!” I said. “Oh yeah i forgot you’re new, i have epic tea making skills” He said deadly serious. “Nice one, you can permantly be on tea making duty then aye?” i laughed. He didn’t smile though, he sat uncomfortably fidgeting, “Rox about last night i didn’t mean it, i just… forgot. Sorry” he genuninly apologised. “Naaah it’s fine mate don’t worry about it, i normaly have a sense of humour just some things, er, ye” I said awkwardly. “No no i completely understand like when people talk about height or Justin Bieber? Touchy subjects, i get it” he smiled. WOW that smile was amazing it just automatically made me want to smile as well. It started to get slightly akward as we just looked at each other smiling so he broke the silence “aaaaah mate why did you bring another Jezza fan into the house” Nathan shouted at presumably Tom. “Shut it, nothing beats Jezza, not even you’re teletubbies crap” he shouted back. Aaaaah let the day of banter commence.
Reblog if you have a fanfic. I want to read them. cos im well bored !!
(Source: diaryofaprettylittleliar)
Chapter 6
It had been two weeks since I’d moved into the house with the wanted and I was having a blast. Drinking every night, sleeping all day it was the perfect life, well for a bum like me. The boys had to work during the day but that suited me fine, I couldn’t sleep when they were around anyways. Many times when they had been there I had woken up to a glass of water been thrown at me or a face covered in drawings of cocks. Ah they were so mature… Nathan and I had been getting on great, still hopelessly flirting with each other but to no avail. Both of us were to chicken to make the first move. It was strange I had only known him two weeks yet it felt like we had been friends for years, that is friends who were so sexually attracted to each other it drove them crazy! Nights out were mental with the boys and thankfully I was really getting along with Michelle and Nareesha (Max and Sivas girlfriends). They were all pissheads which was brilliant we all got along so well and it felt like we’d been living together for years. Tom was still exactly the same shagging anything with a vagina and surprisingly Jay wasn’t too bad for pulling the girls either. Fortunately Nathan didn’t even try to pull, we always just ended up spending the night laughing, chatting and dancing, then stumbling home and awkwardly saying goodnight at our bedroom doors. Life was good it felt like nothing could go wrong, until that night.
“Hurry the fuck up!” the boys shouted at Nareesha and Michelle and I. It was always us three that were the last to walk out the door. “The taxi’s here, come ooon” Siva shouted at us. “We’re coming to be fucked” Michelle screamed back. I turned around and took a last look in the mirror. I looked, ok, I guess. I was wearing a skin tight white dress with heeled boots that I knew would be killing me very soon. My hair was in my natural curls and I had the classic red lipstick look going on. I don’t know why but I felt the need to make a huge effort tonight, maybe it was to get rid of this horrible nagging feeling I had in stomach. It was just a gut feeling that something bad was going to happen. But I shook my hair out told myself to cop on and made my way down the stairs. Nathan was at the bottom waiting for me, his mouth actually slightly hung open. “Close it before you catch flies” I laughed seductively. “I-i-i was just urmm” “Yeah yeah I know you were just thinking about how much you want me” I winked and walked out the door. I could feel his eyes burning into the back of me as we made our way to the taxi.
“Another one bites the dust” Tom slurred as we finished our seventh shot. “Tom you’re a bit sloppy tonight, don’t think you’ll be pulling” I joked. He looked at me sternly “I’m Tom Parker, I always pull” and with that he walked off frantically looking round the club for a fit girl. “Aaaand it’s just the two of us once again” Nathan said staring straight in my eyes. “Yes, yes it is” I replied staring back. We stayed like that for a few minutes before I broke the silence “Lets go dance” I said pulling him in the direction of the dance floor. All the gang were there plus two extra leggy blondes that were with Bird and Tom. Everyone was slightly sloppy tonight and our amazing dancing skills were just getting embarrassing, but no one cared. As much as I tried to drink this horrible feeling I had away it was just getting worse. Every now and then I could have sworn I saw ‘the monster’ but it would just turn out to be some random guy. I was tense and Nathan could see it. “You a’ight babe” he slurred. “Yes perfect, I just need a fag” I replied trying to look as convincing as possible. “Want me to come with you?” “Nah it’s alright we wouldn’t want your asthma playing up, now would we” I laughed. “Ok well stay away from any boys” He laughed winking. “Yeah you too, stay away from the BOYS” I winked back laughing.
Truth is I didn’t really need a fag I just needed some air. I was too drunk and I felt claustrophobic, everything was spinning, and I felt like I was going to puke. I backed up against the cool wall, it was nice considering I was roasting, and leant my head back closing my eyes and trying to block out this feeling that I had. “I thought that was you I saw leaving the club” A cold deep voice said. It sent shivers down my back, I started trembling in fear, scared to open my eyes. It was him. Him. “D-d-Dan?” I questioned absolutely terrified. He walked closer to me and I could see him clearly it was the monster. “W-w-what are you doing here?” I asked trying to let on my fear was just coldness. I didn’t want him to know I was scared I didn’t want him to know he still had control. “What am I doing here? More like what the fuck are you doing here” he spat, I could see the anger building up behind his eyes, it petrified me. “I’m just, here with some, ermm friends, that’s all” I said defensively. “Friends more like the little gay boy I saw you dancing with, anyway that’s irrelevant what I want to know is why the fuck you left. You didn’t call? You didn’t leave me a message? Is that any way to treat the man you love, who loves you?” He asked, he was working himself up his voice was getting louder and louder. “I h-h-had to leave, you nearly killed me, That’s not love” I replied feeling a surge of braveness wash over me, I continued “love isn’t trying to control someone, beating them senseless until they say or do what they want! It’s just you been a control freak! Love? LOVE? You don’t do that to someone you supposedly love” I said and almost immediately regretted it. He started walking towards me slowly, and just stood there looking down straight into my eyes. I was making eye contact as well, I couldn’t back down, I couldn’t let him see that I was weak. I had to be strong. But as he stared me down, the anger bubbling in his eyes, I looked away. He knew then that I was still scared of him, taking advantage of my moment of weakness he grabbed my arm. “Come on we’re going home” he sternly said. “NO, NO I DON’T WANT TO GO” I screamed struggling to get free from the stern hold he had on my arm. He started dragging me, I was trying to hit him, to get him off me but he was stronger than me. A lot stronger. “GET OFF ME! GETT OF ME!!” I screamed but to no avail it just made him rougher. “Stop now babe, STOP! Babe we’re going home, you love me remember?!” he said slowly losing his patience. “NO! NO I DON’T LOVE YOU! I NEVER DID AND I NEVER WILL” I screamed still trying to get free, I wasn’t giving up. BANG my neck snapped backwards causing me to fall over, I could the warm trickle of blood fall down my face. “WHAT DID YOU SAY?! YOU DON’T LOVE ME?” He screamed towering over my trembling body. I was curled up in a ball, when bam, he kicked me in the back. “I SAID WHAT DID YOU SAY” bang “YOU NEVER LOVED ME” bang “YOU NEVER WILL LOVE ME” bang. And then I heard a familiar voice “Rox, ROX” shouted the manc accent I had come to love. I could hear footsteps running over. There was more than one. “OI OI YOU! YOU FUCKIN SON OF A BITCH, I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU” I looked up and there was Tom and Max punching and kicking Dan. I couldn’t watch, I couldn’t stand it. I just rolled up and cried. I could hear all the commotion around me. Max and Tom beating Dan, Dan still screaming abuse at me. Seev and bird screaming at Max and Tom to stop before they kill him and Michelle and Nareesha crying hysterically. And then I heard his voice. “Roxanne, Oh my god ROXANNE” He came running out the door straight over to me. He sat on the ground and took off his leather jacket placing it around me. He wrapped me in his arms and cradled me. “It’s going to be ok, it’s going to be ok baby” he said hushing my cries. I heard sirens as the police arrived.
I had calmed down slightly, just enough to give them my statement. Even though I explained what had happened they still arrested Tom and Max, as well as thankfully Dan. I watched the three of them been brought off and I started crying hysterically again. Nathan was still cuddling me and he got us a taxi. I snuggled up to him and looked in his eyes “thank you” I whispered. He just smiled kindly and nodded.
We got back to the flat and it was horrible. Michelle, Seev, jay and Nareesha had gone down to the station to sort out Max and Tom so it was just me and Nath. “Nathan?” I whispered looking up at him as we walked towards the wooden door. “Yes baby” “Can I sleep in your bed tonight, I don’t want to be alone” “Of course, I wasn’t gonna let you be alone anyways” he said sweeping me up into his arms and carrying me up to bed. I got out of my dress and into one of his jerseys and lay down. He lay down beside me and he slipped my head onto his chest. “Goodnight babe” he said gently kissing my forehead and wrapping his arms around me. “Goodnight” I whispered.
Chapter 7?
I woke up the next morning to the loud bang of a door, Tom screaming “HOOONEY I’M HOME” and Max laughing at his ridiculous entrance. It sounded like it was just the two of them so I guessed the others had come home during the night when I was asleep. I looked up and was slightly shocked at first to see a pair of green eyes staring down at me. “Naaathan it freaks me out when people watch me sleeping” I moaned rolling off him and onto my back. “Sorry… Umm Rox are you ok?” he questioned not making a flirtatious joke about my staring comment, he genuinely looked concerned. “Yeah, I’ll be fine, I always am” I smiled trying to look convincing. “Oh and thank you for everything last night, you make a really good pillow” I joked, lightning the mood. “HEY are you calling me fat?!” He laughed trying to look hurt. “No your perfect” I said a bit too seriously, and once again we did the stare-y eyed thing. “So are you” He said, his eyes piercing into mine. This time was different to the rest though, I waited for the awkward moment to come but it didn’t. His eyes broke from mine for a moment while they grazed down to my lips and he started to lean in, closing the distance from my face to his an—— BANG “HEY ROX” Tom ran into the room and jumped on me. “Urrrgh Tom ger off” I shouted sounding annoyed. Tom always had had the worst timing. Nathan rolled off the bed looking slightly annoyed as well. “Why are you in Nathans bed? Did you get it in? Oooo what happened?” Tom laughed. “Nothing thanks to you” Nathan whispered quietly, winking at me behind Toms back and then left the room. I don’t think tom heard, well I hope he didn’t. Tom rolled off me and lay down beside me. “You ok? And don’t lie to me” He asked seriously. “Yes Tom, yes I am fine. I’m over it I’m not letting him ruin my life, I stood up to him last night for the first time… well… ever! And I realized he’s the coward; he’s the one that’s insecure, why should I cry for him? I should just pity him cause he’s a sad little fuck with no one.” I replied. “I am now SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE!” I laughed getting up from the bed. “What happened with you last night, they’re not charging you or anything?” I asked while putting on Nathans tracksuit. “No they’re not, Dan was going to press charges against me and Max but the police convinced him not too, said the charges would never stand when a judge found out the reason we were punching him” “Ah right that’s good, thanks Tom, for everything” I smiled giving him a hug. “No prob, I was happy to slap him around, did you see the punches I was throwing? Serious guns these are” He said showing his arm and flexing his muscles. “Yeeeah whatevs, it was really all max though” I laughed while he gave me a dirty look, getting up to leave the room. “Oh and Rox they want you to go down tomorrow and make a statement, Dan’s locked up and getting charged with assaulting a police officer but you can get him done for assault as well” he said and then left.
I made my way downstairs and bumped into Max on the way. “Aye up, you alright babe?” “yeah I am thanks, and Max thank you so much for last night, if it weren’t for you and Tom i-i-i don’t even think I’d be standing here” I said. “No problem seriously, me and the boy enjoyed punching that scum” He smiled continuing upstairs. I walked into the kitchen. “Moooorning” I said cheerfully but was not greeted by my normal chorus of hello’s and hi’s. Everyone just looked at me concerned and waiting for me to say something. “I’M FINE! Stop with the weirdness, but thanks guys all of you, you’re amazing” I smiled. Jay jumped on me and embraced me in a big bear hug, followed by Siva, then Nareesha, then the rest all just jumped in screaming “GROUP HUG” and laughing. I caught Nathans eye and he winked at me. Uuuugh those eyes, that smile. He was definitely going to kiss me earlier, wasn’t he? No he wasn’t, was he? WAS HE? Ooooh what a mind fuck.
But you know what, I kind of liked it.
Feedback please? Especially if it’s constructive criticism, if you don’t tell me i can’t improve
CHAPTER 8
Later that evening we decided to just stay in relax, have a few beers and watch a movie. Max and Tom were tired since they had been up all night in a cell, I was a bit stiff from the few bangs I had gotten and the drama from last night had just made everyone want to chill. After a long and heated discussion on what take away to get, we finally decided to get Indian. Then after another long and heated discussion on what film to watch we decided on ‘The Hangover’. Then after ANOTHER long and heated discussion on where we should all sit, it was decided that Nathan and I should be on the ground considering we got the most sleep out of everyone. Life was never boring with these boys. I let on I was annoyed but really I was quite happy, it meant I had the excuse to cuddle up to Nathan.
When the film had finished and we were all stuffed to the brims everyone decided they wanted to go to bed. They had some interview tomorrow to promote their new album. Yesss that meant a nice long sleep in for me. Everyone stood up except for me and Nathan. “I’m not really tired, think I might stay up and catch up on a bit of Jezza” I announced, quickly followed by Nathan saying he wasn’t tired and wanted to stay up as well. As you can imagine the room filled with jeers and oohs. “Fuck off and go to bed!” I shouted at them laughing. They all eventually left the room, shouting out the usual “don’t forget to use protection” “awh our baby is becoming a man” and a chorus of the song puppy love.
I turned to look at Nathan and see what his reaction to all this was. As soon as I caught his eye he looked at the ground clearly uncomfortable. “Well this is awks…” I laughed. “I know, and we’re meant to be the two youngest, they’re so immature it’s ridiculous” he smiled, and it immediately became less awkward.
We just talked and laughed for hours about everything and anything, our lives, pasts, and hopes. I really got to know him, properly and it surprised me how similar we actually were. It was nice to be completely distracted for once, not to have to think. I hadn’t even thought about Jezza! Or the amount we were drinking by the looks of it, safe to say we were pretty drunk. “Uh oh, Rox we are after drinking a craate!!” Nathan slurred attempting to get up. “Naah mate no way hosay, we’d be passed out if we drank a WHOLE crate” I laughed trying to get up as well. We were both using each other as support as we tried to stand, failing miserably. Finally we made it to our feet, for like 5 seconds and we came crashing down. Nathan fell on top of me. “OOOWWWW” I laughed, we were both in the hysterics. Nathan looked at me “you alright?” he had stopped laughing and was staring at me intensely. “Yeah, yeah I’m good” I smiled staring straight back at him. He leaned in slowly, I looked at his lips, butterflies fluttered in my stomach, and he kissed me. His lips were so soft against mine, they just fitted perfectly. His tongue slowly made it’s way into my mouth and then the kiss became more passionate. Our tongues battled, his hands roamed all over my body. The urge I felt, I needed him now. We both stood up, successfully this time but our lips were still locked. I jumped up and he caught my legs either side of his hips. He carried me up the stairs, our lips not parting for a moment and we finally made it to his room. He banged open the door and pushed me up against the walls dropping me to let me stand so his hands were free again to roam. I pushed so that we swapped places and it was him up against the wall. I started to life of his t shirt only breaking the kiss for the few seconds necessary to remove the t shirt over his head. He slowly did the same to me, taking me t-shirt off. We made our way over to the bed. I lay down and he climbed on top of me. He kissed my neck, slowly trailing kisses all along my body, until he got to my shorts. “Well now these are just in the way” he smiled, while pulling them down leaving me exposed in only my bra and panties. “Now this is unfair” I laughed repeating his actions and removing his tracksuit. Our lips met again and he unclasped my bra. I could feel him stiffen. So I kissed along his body and removed his boxers, teasing him. He let out a moan and decided to get his revenge by licking the length of my body and removing my knickers. He kissed his way back up my body hands grabbing and feeling. “You sure babe” he smiled all I could let out was a moan in agreement.
CHAPTER 9
The next morning I woke up in Nathans arms lying on his chest, with a banging headache, naked. Please don’t let this be awkward please, I thought. I slowly opened my eyes letting them adjust to the bright light. I looked up and there he was just staring down at me. “NATHAN I told you it freaks me out” I laughed not moving. “It’s your own fault you shouldn’t be so beautiful and then I wouldn’t have to stare” he smiled. “Urrgh you’re such a sap” I laughed and so did he. Thank god it wasn’t awkward at all. “I know I know I’m as cheesy as fuck, but oh well it’s not every day you get to wake up to a sight like this” he said still staring at me. “Oh you’re so charming sir” I smiled staring back. He leaned in his lips brushing against mine. It was different from last night though, his kiss was softer more gentle. It sent shivers down my spine. “Humm and it’s not every day I get to wake up to a kiss like that” I smiled warmly. I kissed him again.
Bang. Tom came running into the room jumping. “Nath Nath! Get up we’ve half an hou—- oh” his face fell. “Sorry to interrupt, Nath get up we have half an hour to get ready we all slept in” he said toneless, bluntly and walked out. “What was that about” I asked Nathan concerned. “I don’t know” replied. “Oh shit I have to get ready” he realized, starting to panic he jumped out of the bed pulling the sheet with him leaving me exposed. “Aaaah!! Nathan turn around” I moaned. He smiled and turned picking up clothes off the ground. Then he turned back around “nothing I haven’t seen before” he winked laughing and started to rush around again. “You want to come? Since your awake come and see what our horrible job consists of” he laughed. “Urrm ye ok” I smiled. “DIBS IN THE SHOWER FIRST” I screamed and ran into the shower. “Cheeky sod” he shouted after me.
When I was finished he was already dressed. “There’s more than one shower in the house” he smiled seeing that I looked confused. “Yeeeah whatevs” I said as I left to go to my room and get ready. I looked out the window and the sun was beaming so I threw on a pair of shorts, boots and a floral tank top. “READY” I jumped into his room to find him sitting on his bed. “About time, the lads are going crazy, I toke the blame. By the way you look beautiful” He replied and winked.
When we got downstairs everyone was standing around waiting. “Bout fucking time Nath! Rox you coming?” Max smiled. “Yeah I am, is that alright?” I asked. “Of course it is, wouldn’t want to separate you from your looover!” and there it was, they all burst out laughing, they all knew. “Whaaaat?” Nathan asked all innocently in a strong glouster accent. “Mate I’m in the room next to you! I heard everything, I’m scarred for life” Siva laughed. “Awh my little boys a man” Max joked pulling at his ear. We made our way out to the car the boys laughed and joked the whole way. Except for Tom, he didn’t say two words, he just stormed out to the car and put his headphones in.
By the end of the car journey the excitement and jokes had died out slightly but the odd pun was still thrown in, the main culprit been Jay of course. As we arrived I could hear the screams of the fans, see colourful posters everywhere and as we pulled up they banged on the windows. It was all very overwhelming to be honest. The boys could see I was a bit uneasy and reassured me things would be fine. I was told to wait to get out of the car until it was brought round the back. The boys all got out at the front one by one, into the sea of highly emotional fans, leaving Nathan last. As he was getting out he turned to me “welcome to my life” he smiled and left into the crowd of screaming girls.
The interview had started, the boys were in the studio and Kev, Jayne and I were outside it listening. The interviewer was a very pretty young girl. 20, 21 I’d say, blonde and wearing a dress which was casual but revealing. She was openly flirting with Nathan and I didn’t like it. The pang of jealousy I got shocked me. I’m not this type of girl who gets jealous, I told myself repeatedly and then she asked “so Nathan I hear your very single and very ready to mingle, tents, golf courses? Ringing any bells?” she laughed. “Yes I am single, unfortunately I don’t have much time to mingle but I do like to have my fun” he smile. “Well I’m sure a lot of girls will be very happy to hear that” she smiled seductively, literally eye fucking him. I stood up telling Jayne I needed some air. How could this be possible? How could I be jealous over a guy I’d known a few weeks?
I got outside into the fresh air, lit up a fag, and rested my head against the wall. I could still hear screaming from the other side of the building. I knew they were popular but man I had no idea how famous they actually were. My Tom-tom a superstar, I felt so proud, proud of all the boys. They had become like my brothers the past few weeks, well except for Nathan that would just be weird.
As I was reminiscing about the last few weeks my thoughts were interrupted by a familiar Bolton accent. “Penny for your thoughts?” he asked. “Nothing really I was just thinking about how amazing these last few weeks have been, all the boys they’re just amazing, they make me feel so at home, thank you tom seriously from the bottom of my heart” I laughed at the cheesy-ness of the last part. “Anything for my good girl” he smiled and pulled at my ear. “Tom about last night and this morning, I’m sorry I didn’t think it would bother you, you always make jokes about me and Nathan I thought you wouldn’t mind” “It’s not because it’s Nathan, I have no problem with that. And I joked at the start because I guessed if anything did happen it would just be a casual snog or something, but I see the way he looks at you, the way you look at him and well I just, I just don’t want to see you hurt again. Rox your fragile at the moment you can’t be getting into another relationship so soon” he said seriously full of concern. “Babe don’t worry I know that, me and Nath we’re just, well we’re just, ugh tom I don’t even know. We kissed for the first time last night, I’m not going to lie I have feelings for him but I’m not going to go there I’m not getting serious, you don’t have to worry, we just have fun, we get along really well and he makes me laugh, that’s what I need right now” I said trying to reassure him, reassure myself. It was, it was just a bit of fun. I think, I hope. “Ok beautiful, just don’t get hurt yeah? And put some cloths on next time its sick, it’s like having to look at my little sister naked, eeeer” He pretended to shiver in disgust. “Shut up!” I laughed punching him lightly.
Just as we were finishing our fags a few fans came round the corner and ran up to Tom. These must be the regulars considering they weren’t screaming and crying. I just stood in silence trying to edge my way back inside unnoticed. “Who’s this then?” one of the girls asked. “She’s my best mate from back in Bolton, she’s living with me and the boys for a while” Tom said proudly. That made me smile. “Iyaa I’m Liv you alright?” the girl smiled and they all started talking to me. I was surprised at how nice they all were, I got on really well with them which was weird, girls normally don’t like me. We were chatting for ages Tom had to go back inside and then Nath came out. He looked over at me “aah I see you’ve meet our erm friend Roxanne, she’s our favourite fan” He laughed as all the girls pouted. They all gave him a hug and started chatting, taking pictures laughing at a lot of private joke I didn’t understand. “What’s with all these private jokes? And what’s a seat draw and phtotbooth?” I asked, very confused. “Oh my god you haven’t seen the wanted Wednesday videos?” they squealed seeming shocked. “No I haven’t” I laughed not fully understanding. “WHAT? Well what’s your twitter? Follow me and I’ll send you the links!” one of the girls said. “I don’t have twitter” I replied. They all looked as though they couldn’t believe what they were hearing. “Nathan set her up on twitter immediately” they demanded to Nathan. “Yeah yeah I will” he replied, not really listening as he was talking a photo.
After a while Kev came out and told us we had to leave. Me and Nath said bye to the girls and I got into the van with Jayne. Nathan had to go out front. I felt so sorry for him, he must have been exhausted and hung-over and to have to listen to hundreds of screaming girls in his ear, well let’s just say I didn’t envy him right now.
CHAPTER 10?
Everything was pretty much the same for the rest of the evening. We went home and just chilled, watched a few matches and had a few drinks, the usual. Nathan and I were flirting a lot more than before and I kept catching him staring at me, unlike usual though he wouldn’t look away when I caught him, we would sit there looking into each other’s eyes. Admittedly it was a bit cringy but I just couldn’t help it, he was perfect, beautiful, amazing. No no no this wasn’t right, I couldn’t be feeling like this for someone after knowing them only a few weeks. But unfortunately I knew this feeling, I had felt it before and it meant heartbreak, always heartbreak. I spent the evening convincing myself we could just stay casual, but in my heart of hearts I knew that could never happen, on my part anyway. Of course I didn’t tell him how I felt. To him it was probably just a one night stand, a bit of fun. But to me it just felt like more. I decided I needed to try distance myself, it would be hard considering we lived in the same house but still I had to try.
Later that night it was just the two of us again. We were sat watching a movie. I purposefully sat the opposite side of the couch to him but the distance was killing me. I just wanted to be close to him, have him hold me. But I couldn’t, I had to be strong. “Babe have I done something? You just seem kind of… well kind of distant” he asked nervously. “No you haven’t, I’m just tired thanks to someone keeping me awake all night” I smiled seductively. Stop, stop this, what are you doing don’t flirt with him I thought, angry at myself for giving in so easily. “Um hum it was worth it though” he winked slowly moving closer to me. Those eyes, wow I just couldn’t move away, couldn’t look away. Come on be strong, but next thing I knew he was kissing me, even more passionately than before, more urgently. I knew where this was going, where it would lead too but I just couldn’t resist and once again he was carrying me upstairs to his room. This time was rougher his hands roaming my body urgently feeling every part of me possible. Clothes weren’t delicately taken off like the night before, but more so ripped off quickly. Then he threw me down on to the bed once again teasing me until it was unbearable. I needed release thankfully he soon obliged. Wow. This couldn’t be wrong. It felt so right, so good.
I woke up in the night bursting for a wee. So I quickly threw on a hoodie and made my way into the bathroom. I shouldn’t be doing this, I’m going to end up heart broken… again. I sat in the bathroom thinking for ages when I finally decided to go back to my own bed as not to be tempted in the morning. I walked back into his room to grab my clothes when he spoke “I was wondering where you had got up to” “just needed a wee” I replied. “Ok baby, come back here, you were keeping me warm” he laughed. Ok I could do this, just tell him you want to back to your own bed. “Urmm yeah it’s too hot for me, I think I might just go back to my room.” I shyly said. “Oh yeah ok that’s fine, cool…” I turned to walk out of the room. “Rox are you sure I haven’t done anything?” he asked sadly. I felt so bad, how was he meant to know what was going through my head he probably thought I was just rejecting him, but then again how could I explain properly without admitting my feelings for him. “No you haven’t done anything, except be you, I promise” I said sitting down on his bed. “What’s that meant to mean” he questions. I looked up at him to see his face, try to work out if he really cared. If I could tell him. And then those green eyes pierced into mine. Uh oh. Next thing I knew I was kissing him again, strongly, let the teasing begin. Again.
I woke up the next morning in his arms once again. Urgh I was so angry at myself, why couldn’t I resist him, this was ridiculous I’d known him for less than 3 weeks, shagged him 3 times yet I think I was quite possibly….. falling for him. Even admitting that to myself scared the living hell out of me. I couldn’t be falling for someone this soon, I’d only just gotten out of a long relationship. I didn’t even know him properly. They could just be rebound feelings. He doesn’t feel the same way. I’ll just look like an idiot. It’s just my mind playing tricks. I’m being over dramatic, falling in love after 3 weeks HA. No it’s not true. But no matter how much I tried to convince myself in the back of my head I knew, I just knew, I was falling and falling hard.
After a few minutes of just lying there thinking, He began to start moving. “Baby you awake” he asked. “Yeah” I replied bluntly. “I’m just going to my room” I said, quickly getting up and leaving. I ran into my room, locked the door behind me and slid to the ground. How could even just his voice send shivers down my spine, make butterflies in my stomach? I hated this feeling, the feeling of not being in control. I’d tried to resist him but failed miserably. Memories of the past started creeping into my head, scarier times when I had been with the monster. I knew Nathan and Dan were nothing alike. Nothing. But still I couldn’t help having the same helpless feelings of not been in control. I started to cry, hysterically.
After a while of my uncontrollable blubbering I heard a soft knock at the door. I froze in place. Please don’t let it be Nathan, please. I didn’t reply hoping whoever it was, would just go away. But then they knocked again. Ah it was mine and Toms special knock that we had made up as kids and had carried on into our ever so mature adult life. “Tom?” I whispered. “Babe let me in” he demanded but softly. I stood up and unlocked the door. Returning to the floor this time backed against the wall. He came in looked at me then locked the door behind and sat down on the ground beside me. “Tom I just, I just can’t” I hiccupped and burst out crying again. He cradled me in his arms. “You’ll be fine, I’ll make sure of it” he reassured me.
After a good half an hour of just sitting in silence I had finally stopped crying. Tom hadn’t let go of me, this is what I loved about him, his sensitive side that not a lot of people got to see. I felt safe. “Babe, please talk to me? What’s wrong? I hate seeing you like this.” “Tom I think, I t-t-think I’m f-f-falling for him, but I can’t be right? I’ve only known him a few weeks, it’s impossible. Isn’t it?” “No darling it’s not impossible. But I don’t understand why are you so upset about it?” he asked clearly very confused. “I don’t want to fall for him, I don’t want to be in a relationship, but I can’t stay away. I’m not in control, I just feel helpless like, well like before”. “But why fight it then, why not just embrace it?” he asked, I was slightly confused out at how romantic he was being. His motto was normally, get it in then get them out. I replied “Because Tom I’m scared, I don’t want to get hurt again, I know he’s a good guy and wouldn’t purposefully but still it will happen some way or another, relationships never work. And anyways he doesn’t feel the same way”. “Ok this is why I said you should wait, look at you your already hurting; you’re not ready for anything serious. Just talk to him, he deserves to know what’s going on and yes he does have feelings for you, he was the one who came and woke me up to talk to you, he’s worried about you” Tom said hugging me again. “Why is this so hard” I asked. He sighed “I don’t know Rox, I don’t know”
CHAPTER 11
I knew I needed to talk to Nathan. End this, whatever it was. It’s not like he was going to care. It was more than likely just a fling to him, a couple of one night stands. Although Tom had said he cared but he was probably just lying trying to make me feel better. It didn’t work. Tom had left when I had asked him to go, I needed time alone to think, what was I going to say?
I pulled myself up off the bed and made my way into Nathans room. He was sitting on his bed staring at his laptop. “Hi” I said kind of emotionless, still not sure how or why I was about to break it off. “Hey, I’m making you a twitter page” he smiled. Ugh how was I going resist those eyes. “Thanks, can I have a look?” I asked. “Nop not yet, you’ll just have to wait until it’s finished” he winked. “Naaaathan” I moaned walking toward him, giving him the puppy dog eyes, forgetting for a moment my reasons for being here. “Don’t Nathan me! It won’t work” He laughed pulling me onto the bed, climbing on top of me and tickling me. “Aaaaaah get off me you bastard” I laughed hysterically. “Say I’m the most amazing person you have ever met!” I screamed repeating the exact words. “Ok ok, quits” he smiled, his face leaning in towards mine. I was caught up in the moment, caught up in his perfection, when suddenly I remembered. You can’t do this just tell him . I pushed him off me so we were both just lying on our backs. “N-n-nath?” I stammered nervously. “Yes babe what wrong?” he rolled onto his side so he was looking at me, our faces just inches apart. “Ermmm I’m sorry but whatever this is, I can’t.” I blurted out. His smile faded and a look of concern replaced it. “Why not, you don’t feel like I pressured you or?” “no, no you didn’t it’s just I get attached easily and I think, I think I’m getting feelings for you, like strong feelings and you obviously don’t feel the same way and I jus—“ he interrupted me, “I do feel the same way, Rox I can’t explain it but I really, like really like you, I have for a while but I was afraid to tell you, afraid I’d like scare you” “Nathan I’m sorry that doesn’t change the fact that I’m just not ready for this, I can’t do this I’m sorry, please just let it go please” I got off his bed and ran out of the room adamant that I would not cry in front of him. I made it back into my room before the tears started falling from my eyes. Don’t be so stupid, don’t cry over a boy, he’s just a boy I tried to convince myself. Why now? Why did he have to come along now? I had promised myself I would never cry over a boy again and with that reminder I wiped my tears and made my way downstairs. I needed a cuppa.
Nathans POV
I just sat there in shock. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard, I couldn’t understand. We were getting along so well, I had thought, thought I was falling for her. Tom told me she was really into me, convinced me I wasn’t just being stupid. But I clearly was being an idiot; if she really liked me as much as he said she did she wouldn’t be breaking this off. Maybe that was his plan? Tell her how I felt so it would scare her, so she would end it and then he could be with her. Yes, that was the only possible explanation. We had too much of a connection, too much chemistry, he couldn’t stand it. He was jealous.
I had worked myself up into a rage. It was all Toms fault, hat jealous bastard could never be happy for me. I ran down the stairs thinking of nothing else other than how much I hated him right at this moment. I stormed into the kitchen, slamming the door open so hard that the bang made everyone jump. Tom, Jay, Siva, Max, and Rox where all sat around the kitchen with cups of I presumed tea. She was sitting on his lap. See I fucking knew it, this was his plan all along. I stamped over to him grabbing him by his polo shirt and lifting him up. “YOU BASTARD, YOU FUCKING BASTARD, HOW COULD I HAVE TRUSTED YOU AGAIN, I THOUGHT YOU WERE SORRY I THOUGHT YOU HAD CHANGED BUT NO, YOU’RE STILL THE SAME FUCKING JEALOUS PRICK!” I realized I was scaring Roxanne I could see her tense up and flinch every time I spat out a word, but I could stop I was seeing red. “Woaaaah Nath came the fuck down, what is your problem?!” He said raising his voice but not screaming, he pushed me off him, he was a lot stronger than me. “YOU YOU’RE MY FUCKING PROBLEM, YOU SAW I WAS HAPPY, WE WERE HAPPY” I looked down at Roxanne. “BUT YOU COULDN’T STAND THAT YOU HAD TO TAKE HER AS WELL!!” I shouted, walking towards him again. “GET OUT OF MY FUCKING FACE NATH” He shouted, squaring up to me our faces nearly touching. The boys all immediately stood up, in case it went too far, Roxanne jumped up tears streaming down her face, fear in her eyes as she ran out of the room. “Rox, ROXANNE” Tom shouted and ran after her, genuine concern in his voice. This must have brought back bad memories for her, very bad ones. How could I be so stupid? I’d hurt her. The one thing she didn’t want. And then it hit me, she didn’t want to get hurt again, couldn’t That’s why she had ended it. I ran out of the house, frustrated at myself for been so stupid. Once again I had managed to royally fuck up… everything.
Chapter 12… i think
I ran and ran to the only place that mildly seemed to comfort me. The lake always seemed so peaceful, tranquil. In the middle of this busy city that never really stopped, it was the only place I felt I could think, be alone with my thoughts. The soft waves tumbled, gently and calmly. Here always managed to sooth me when my anger got the better of me. I sat on the bench where I always sat, surrounded by trees, the wind whooshing through them adding to the whole calming effect. Why was I so angry? I knew deep down it wasn’t really Toms fault, it was mine I couldn’t handle the thought of rejection. It’s not that I was cocky or had a big ego it’s just, it’s just I suppose I’d gotten used to girls throwing themselves at me. A quick smile, a few whispered words, then they were back in my bed. But this girl there was something different about her, I felt the need to protect her, give her anything she wanted, just to see that smile. But I couldn’t do this, she was right, we would be better off as friends, it was too intense too fast for both of us, we’d just end hurting each other. We would break each other’s hearts, unintentionally but inevitably.
Roxanne’s POV
I ran up to my room, the tears falling down my face like a waterfall. All the screaming, the threat of violence brought back flashbacks. Flashbacks that I couldn’t yet handle. The two people I felt safest with, in the blink of an eye, were the two people who terrified me. I jumped on my bed and curled myself into a ball, trying to block out the few memories that wouldn’t stop replaying in my head. “You filthy bitch, you’re gonna get what you deserve. You whore, beg for my forgiveness, tell me how much you love me” “please don’t please! I love you”. The sad thing was, the memory that scared me the most wasn’t Dan screaming in my face, it was seeing myself crumbled on a floor. Beaten, defenceless, hopeless. How did I get so low? When had I become… pathetic? This wasn’t me. This was me in love. Love huh? Love is fucked up. I knew if I wanted to be the strong confident person my previous self was, I could never fall in love again. I had made the right choice, Nath and I were better off as friends. And that’s how it would stay.
After giving myself a prep talk and telling Tom numerous times that I was fine, I decided to go and talk to Nath. Let him know that things still stood the way I had said earlier. We could be friends but only friends. Although this might sound strange his little outburst had comforted me in a way, it made me realize that he really did have feelings for me, I wasn’t just been an emotional crazy wreck, making something out of nothing. It had been real.
I knocked on his door presuming that he would have returned home and slightly calmer than when he left. I knocked a second time but there was no answer. So being the mature sensible person I am, I decided to snoop around his room. I knew it was wrong and unfair but I just couldn’t stop myself. I made my way over to his bed, running my hands along his soft sheets when I saw his laptop, open. Don’t do it, don’t. But once again my lack of self control got the better of me I pressed one of the buttons so it would light up. It was on a twitter page, by the looks of things my twitter page that he had been making for me. I quickly read my name and my bio, which went along the lines of “I Love Nathan Sykes” and I started laughing, typical. I toke a quick look at my followers and started working out how to use it. Man it was complicated.
Nathan POV
After hours of just relaxing, listening to my music and having continuous self debates on what I should do, I decided I needed to go home and apologise to everyone. Urgh I hate saying sorry. Especially to Tom Parker.
I finally arrived at the familiar door and knocked waiting for someone to answer. In all my rage earlier I had forgotten my key. Max answered, but blocked my entry “mate you’re not getting in until you prove you’ve calmed down” He smiled smugly knowing this would wind me up. “I’ve calmed down, now let me in” “that’s not proving it, prooove it properly” He laughed. I gave him a death stare and eventually he let me in. As I walked down the corridor he grabbed my arm lightly “Seriously though Nathan you owe Tom an apology, he didn’t do anyth—-“ “I know, I know” I sighed. I didn’t want to hear it, it just made me feel like more of an idiot for losing the plot at him in the first place.
I slowly walked into the kitchen, reluctant of what I was about to do. All the boys sat there just staring at me, waiting to see if I was going to try start on Tom again. “Hi look I’m sorry earlier for getting angry and shit, I was just like upset and like Tom I didn’t mean to yano get in your face and I just wanted to yano and—“ Thankfully Tom cut me off mid sentence. “Ye I know Nath, it’s all good, but just so you know, I would clearly kick your ass” he laughed pulling me into a hug. Jay pulled on my ear “yahyahyah” Max pulled on Toms ear “yahyahyah” and Siva did his happy dance in the middle. Then Tom looked at me seriously “Nath you need to talk to Roxanne, we scared her, big time”. Shit for a moment I had forgotten. This was going to be the hard part.
